Day 13 - You say Zombies! We say Where?

Planet Terror - Robert Rodriguez

I'm kinda running late so this is going to be another abbreviated post.  I bought the Grindhouse making of book, which has both Planet Terror and Machete (trailer) screenplays (not Death Proof, which was sold separately thanks a lot QT).  I guess the big thing about this is conventions again.  Nothing has to be all that deep in a grindhouse movie.  I like the the Machete  screenplay because it set the tone for the Planet Terror.  In both neither one was taken all that seriously, but they took the genre seriously.  They didn't make fun of grindhouse films or their audiences.  They're not parodies, they're homages.  The crappy effects and stilted dialogue isn't making of the genre, it is the genre.
I guess that's the most important thing.  When you're making a movie like this don't make fun of the genre or the audience.

On a complete sidenote - when are they going to release Grindhouse on DVD/Bluray they way it was intended?  I know they release the separate movies, but I want it all on one disc with the trailers inbetween.

Planet Terror -

Day 12 - My day at the Mini dealership.

About a Boy

So, I'm writing this entry on my iPhone while I wait for the brakes on my Mini to be replaced.
The thing that struck me in this script was the use of narration by multiple charcters.  Right now, in my DayQuil addled brain, I can't really think of another script in which the two main characters both narrated.

The story is Will's story, but Marcus' story definitely informs Will's.  Both stories are about the characters maturing.  The voiceovers work well in showing that, especially with Will's internal battle to keep from I think this works best when it emphasizes the fact that while they are talking about one thing they are thinking something completely different.

Now that I think about it, I think some romcoms have done it, but not like this.  If you can think of any let me know.




I'm still looking for it online

Day 11 - Do we have to invite everyone to the wedding?

Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men From Mars - Jeb Stuart

Apparently, George Lucas must have really wanted to do a alien story for Indy.  This is one is head and shoulder better than the other 2.  At least in this one, we know the artifact is alien from the moment it's discovered.
This is a decent story.  The part I don't like is that at the wedding everyone is there.  Henry, Willie, Marion and even Short Round makes a brief apparence.  While, it's nice to see these old friends, it seems forced.  I find it hard to believe that Indy's love interests would not only both come to see him marry someone else, but also be, apparently, really good friends.  I guess the thing I learned from that is, even though we love the characters, don't force them into places they don't belong.
Also, the action in this is heavily stylized and as a result, some of the action ends up in the dialogue field by accident.  This is extremely disorienting at times.  Which has shown me why a quick a proofread is always a good idea.  If you can get someone else to do it, all the better.

And, of course, it uses the same nuclear bomb test/refrigerator set piece as the other two.

Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men From Mars: http://www.mypdfscripts.com/unproduced/indiana-jones-and-the-saucer-men-from-mars

Day 10 - I'm hooked on a feelin'

Indiana Jones and the Monkey King - Christopher Columbus

Ok, so this is way better than Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods and Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull put together.  It just has that Indy feeling that the those other two are missing.  It was supposed to be Indiana Jones III, and it owuld have fit well there, but it has a similar goal (something that gives it's user eternal life) as the Last Crusade.
Now, on the writing.  This script illustrated a couple of the stylistic things that different instructors talked about in their seminars.

1) We hear: A couple of the seminar instructors talked about avoiding phrases like "We see" and "we hear".  In Monkey King there is a ghost story as the opening and Columbus is building tension then suddenly "We hear the distant, MANIACAL LAUGH of a man."  It takes us completely out of the story and reminds us that we are reading and not experiencing the story.  He could have just as easily done "The MANIACAL LAUGH of man, can be heard in the distance" or something a little more artful, but you get the point.

2) Transliteration: One of the dialogue instructors told the class never to transliterate (e.g: sound out for accents, dropping the "g" on words, etc.) dialogue.  He said it was insulting to the actors, who are just going to do whatever they want.  I guess I can see his point, but I think he's missing an inmportant point.  This is being read first, then performed.  I think transliteration allows the reader to get fuller experience of the character.

3) Huge blocks of action:  This script has A LOT of action, sometimes for pages with little to no dialogue.  I have to be honest, even though it was exciting, my eyes glazed over when I saw a page of action.

That's all for today.  Tomorrow will conclude my look at the unproduced Indiana Jones scripts.

Indiana Jones and the Monkey King: http://www.mypdfscripts.com/unproduced/indiana-jones-and-the-monkey-king-aka-indiana-jones-iii

Day 9 - Sometime's it's better to leave the past in the past.

Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods - Frank Darabont (Story by George Lucas)

So, I found this script in the unproduced section of mypdfscripts.com. I figured it was another option for Indy 4. It's essientially the same story as Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (credited to David Koepp ). The biggest difference is that Indy's son "Mutt" is nowhere to be found in this version. In this version Marion is married to some Baron, who of course turns out to be a spy. The Nazi's make a brief apparence. All in all, I think I would have preferred this version, but it still wouldn't have been great. The ending is too much like Raiders.

The one way in which the script does succeed is that it brings Marion in, slightly earlier and we get more of their back and forth. I think the problem with this movie is that it's not based in what we are used to. Indiana Jones movies, up to this point, have been about religion. A higher power, and this one seems to imply that there is no higher power at work in this story. This long since dead culture worshipped aliens. The other films were rooted in the spiritual and mystical. We don't know why Ark melts peoples faces; We don't know why the Sankara stones do, what ever is, they do; we don't know why if you drink from the right grail you get eternal life and the wrong grail immediate aging. We take it on faith. At the end this however, everything is explained (pretty much).

I guess the main thing I got out of this is no matter how much you rewrite something, even if you bring in two of the best screenwriters in Hollywood, sometimes you just have a bad idea. Now with enough effort and money, you can make a bad idea, passible. But, you can never make a bad idea great, and somehow we need to figure out what ideas are worth spending out time on.

Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods: http://www.sendspace.com/file/dq6oaz

Day 8 - It's the same, but different

Back to the Future -Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale

I was looking through my Google reader and found out that this concept had been done before! http://www.gointothestory.com/2009/10/14-days-of-screenplays-version-30.html . But, as we all know, all the good idea in Hollywood have already been taken. I could have been depressed about this, but instead I'm using this as an opportunity. The owner of that blog has sold screenplays and is a screenwriting professor. So, now when I am at a loss for what to read next, I need only go to his page and there is a list of 28 scripts from the 2 previous times he's done this.

So today I read the first script from the first "14 days of screenplays", Back to the Future. I read a later draft, because it was in .pdf and not .html.

The thing I was struck by when I read it (which is the exact same thing I noticed when I went to the BTTF trilogy last summer) was how fast it moves. It's a relatively long script at 147 pages, but it never drags. All of the scenes have an intensity and urgency that keep the script moving the whole time. There are no wasted character scenes or monologues. It doesn't get bogged down in science. It just tells the story and that's it.

I'm going to try and remember this as I go through the heist movie I'm working. I have tendency to get caught up in clever scenes to the detriment of pacing.

Back to the Future: http://www.sendspace.com/file/om3ilf

Day 7 - I'm going to give you the treatment

Mr. and Mrs. Smith (treatment) - Simon Kinberg

I'm never sure how long a treatment should be or in how much detail, so from time I'm going to do a post about treatments. There really isn't much to say about this treatment.

First and foremost it's 8 pages long. As far as I can tell this on the short side. It's organized in sections.

The first section is called "Overview" - this section basically sets out the basic premise of the story and sets out the genres the story will involve.

The next section is "Character Set Up" - This isn't unseen backstory, but the facts that happen before the story really begins (i.e. how they met, they lie about their jobs as assassins, etc).

Next is "Story" - That's pretty self explanatory. It's sets the story out pretty well, but it's vague enough to allow for massaging during the writing process. There are changes from this treatment to the actual movie. All the major plot points are here, as well as flourishes to give the reader a sense of the tone of the story.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith (treatment) - http://www.sendspace.com/file/rdkdf5