Blade Runner (Early Draft) by Hampton Fancher
Well, there are two big things to discuss with this early draft. The descroptions are perfect. there are no "We see"s or camera movements, but you see it all with the text. He draws you from detail to detail without taking you out of the story.
The other big thing is big mistake of this draft is not making the replicants (or androids) likable. You like Rachel, but she when she learns she's a machine, she doesn't even question it. She just goes with it. In the later drafts where she tries to convince Deckard that she's human, are some of the best scenes in the movie. Next, Batty doesn't save Deckard at the end, you don't have that moment where you really feel for Batty.
http://www.mypdfscripts.com/screenplays/blade-runner-1980-07-24-draft
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Day 19 - Do you know what time it is?
24 "Pilot" - Joel Surnow and Robert Cochran
So, my trip through TV scripts continues. It's really amazing how fast this pilot moves. You find out everything you need to know about Jack Bauer in this hour of TV. It's start off at home - he's family man trying to put his family back together. Next CTU - he may have had an affair with a woman he works with. He turned in coworkers, even though he knew it would hurt his career. He tranq'd a superior in order to buy time to get information to blackmail him with.
We learn that JAck Bauer is willing to bend the rules for the right reasons, but will not countenance someone breaking them for the wrong reasons.
The other thing is that they don't have the big clock at the act breaks, instead are forced shots showing clocks in a room, or phone recordings stating the time. I think this would have felt forced, whereas the clock at the commercial breaks with the split screen works well, and reminds us that other things are going on while this is happening.
This may actually be why this series has survived so well. When one story waxes, the other wane. Nothing happens in a vacuum. Jack still has to deal with family stuff, while he's trying to prevent an assassination. In the later seasons, we even see the villains family lives, giving us a much more well rounded story then if we just saw Jack, and he didn't have a family or friends and he just was solving the mystery.
So, my trip through TV scripts continues. It's really amazing how fast this pilot moves. You find out everything you need to know about Jack Bauer in this hour of TV. It's start off at home - he's family man trying to put his family back together. Next CTU - he may have had an affair with a woman he works with. He turned in coworkers, even though he knew it would hurt his career. He tranq'd a superior in order to buy time to get information to blackmail him with.
We learn that JAck Bauer is willing to bend the rules for the right reasons, but will not countenance someone breaking them for the wrong reasons.
The other thing is that they don't have the big clock at the act breaks, instead are forced shots showing clocks in a room, or phone recordings stating the time. I think this would have felt forced, whereas the clock at the commercial breaks with the split screen works well, and reminds us that other things are going on while this is happening.
This may actually be why this series has survived so well. When one story waxes, the other wane. Nothing happens in a vacuum. Jack still has to deal with family stuff, while he's trying to prevent an assassination. In the later seasons, we even see the villains family lives, giving us a much more well rounded story then if we just saw Jack, and he didn't have a family or friends and he just was solving the mystery.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Day 18 - Mother, tell you children not hear my words; What they mean; What they say. Mother.
Alias "The Enemy Walks in" by J.J. Abrams
This is a weird episode, because it moves the story forward, but because it was the first episode of season 2 (and they were hoping for new viewers) there was A LOT of recap. But, what they did that was smart was some of it was done by Sydney talking to her CIA therapist and mixed in with new action. I guess the thing I learned was if you have to have a huge amount of exposition (some of it not new to the audience) mix it into the action and parse it out. Don't try to do it all at once.
Hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow and I'll do a better post then
This is a weird episode, because it moves the story forward, but because it was the first episode of season 2 (and they were hoping for new viewers) there was A LOT of recap. But, what they did that was smart was some of it was done by Sydney talking to her CIA therapist and mixed in with new action. I guess the thing I learned was if you have to have a huge amount of exposition (some of it not new to the audience) mix it into the action and parse it out. Don't try to do it all at once.
Hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow and I'll do a better post then
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Day 17 - You don't have Jack!
Big Trouble in Little China II (Unproduced MOW) by Charles Prosser
Wow, that sucked. I was superexcited to read it too. I guess this biggest problem here is NO JACK BURTON. That's right, no Pork Chop Express and no Jack Burton. I just saw the original last night, and the biggest thing I noticed was how the crowd reacted to Jack Burton. They loved him. His character is what makes the movie. The reason I wanted to read this script was that I wanted to see what happened next with Jack. I guess the big thing I learned reading this is when you create a character people love, don't do a sequel without him. This is probably why this was never made. Egg Shen is not enough to bring me back.
The other good thing about this script is that it explicitly sets out the 7 acts breaks and the hour break, so if I ever want to know how to structure a MOW, I guess I'll look at this.
Big Trouble in Little China II http://www.mypdfscripts.com/unproduced/big-trouble-in-little-china-2
Wow, that sucked. I was superexcited to read it too. I guess this biggest problem here is NO JACK BURTON. That's right, no Pork Chop Express and no Jack Burton. I just saw the original last night, and the biggest thing I noticed was how the crowd reacted to Jack Burton. They loved him. His character is what makes the movie. The reason I wanted to read this script was that I wanted to see what happened next with Jack. I guess the big thing I learned reading this is when you create a character people love, don't do a sequel without him. This is probably why this was never made. Egg Shen is not enough to bring me back.
The other good thing about this script is that it explicitly sets out the 7 acts breaks and the hour break, so if I ever want to know how to structure a MOW, I guess I'll look at this.
Big Trouble in Little China II http://www.mypdfscripts.com/unproduced/big-trouble-in-little-china-2
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Day 16 - Live from the Pork Chop Express!!!
True Romance by Quentin Tarantino
Well, I'm sitting here in the New Bev waiting for the "Big Trouble in Little China" and "They Live!" double feature, and I thought I would take this opportunity to try out my blog app ( name escapes me) instead of using "Notes" and then emailing to myself and posting when I get home.
So here we go:
Elvis- the use of Elvis is brilliant. The first time Clarence mentions him, he talks about, while he's not gay, he would totally have sex with the King. He wears Elvis sunglasses. Now QT could have used voiceover to illustrate Clarence's inner thoughts, but instead he decided to personify this inner dialogue. And after we see Clarence's obvious obsession with the King, it makes perfect sense that this would be the sounding board he would use. Sort of a WWED? He tells Clarence to ok to kill Drexel. He gives Clarence that extra bit of confidence to get him through the drug deal. He is that voice that all we need from time to time.
The most amazing part of this, is that I never once thought that Clarence was crazy. Sure he married a prostitute, killed her pimp and talked to the ghost of Elvis; but, his sanity never seems to be questioned. Clarence just seems like a hopeless romantic with a vivid fantasy life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Well, I'm sitting here in the New Bev waiting for the "Big Trouble in Little China" and "They Live!" double feature, and I thought I would take this opportunity to try out my blog app ( name escapes me) instead of using "Notes" and then emailing to myself and posting when I get home.
So here we go:
Elvis- the use of Elvis is brilliant. The first time Clarence mentions him, he talks about, while he's not gay, he would totally have sex with the King. He wears Elvis sunglasses. Now QT could have used voiceover to illustrate Clarence's inner thoughts, but instead he decided to personify this inner dialogue. And after we see Clarence's obvious obsession with the King, it makes perfect sense that this would be the sounding board he would use. Sort of a WWED? He tells Clarence to ok to kill Drexel. He gives Clarence that extra bit of confidence to get him through the drug deal. He is that voice that all we need from time to time.
The most amazing part of this, is that I never once thought that Clarence was crazy. Sure he married a prostitute, killed her pimp and talked to the ghost of Elvis; but, his sanity never seems to be questioned. Clarence just seems like a hopeless romantic with a vivid fantasy life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, November 2, 2009
Day 15 - You did what to my mom!?!?!
Man on Fire by Brian Helgeland
I love this movie. But, it would have been ruined if they had made the mistake of the script. In this draft Crease has sex with Pinta's mom (Lisa). While it made sense in the story and added a scene where Lisa wanted Crease fired, the audience would have ended up not liking Crease nearly as much. That's the whole point of the the first half of the movie is Crease's redemption. If he sleeps with Lisa, than he isn't redeemed. It's almost disrespectful to Pinta.
This is a mistake I made in a draft of a screenplay a while back. I wanted the hero to get drunk and cheat on his wife to show he had hit rock bottom. A friend told me that she wouldn't be able to like him again if he did this. And after about 2 drafts of that sequence, I realized she was right. So, now he comes close and then realizes what he'd be giving up.
Man on Fire - http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/manonfire.pdf
I love this movie. But, it would have been ruined if they had made the mistake of the script. In this draft Crease has sex with Pinta's mom (Lisa). While it made sense in the story and added a scene where Lisa wanted Crease fired, the audience would have ended up not liking Crease nearly as much. That's the whole point of the the first half of the movie is Crease's redemption. If he sleeps with Lisa, than he isn't redeemed. It's almost disrespectful to Pinta.
This is a mistake I made in a draft of a screenplay a while back. I wanted the hero to get drunk and cheat on his wife to show he had hit rock bottom. A friend told me that she wouldn't be able to like him again if he did this. And after about 2 drafts of that sequence, I realized she was right. So, now he comes close and then realizes what he'd be giving up.
Man on Fire - http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/manonfire.pdf
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Day 14 - What a novel treatment
Brick (treatment/novella) - Rian Johnson
Since November is National Novel Writing Month (http://www.nanowrimo.org/), I thought I would take a quick look at the Brick treatment. In a preface he talks about the reaosn he wanted to do it this way was because he was intentionally trying to get a Dashiell Hammett feel and he thought a prose pass would be the best way to do it. I think it worked. I wish I had read it prior to seeing the film, but the tone is there as is most of the unique dialogue traits. The treatment is 76 pages long, so it's way longer than a traditionally treatment, but for a project like this that relies so much on tone and feel, it's was probably the way to go.
I had never really thought about using a treatment like that. I had always thought they were tools for getting the story out. Sorta like a fleshed out outline. But, this is something more, this allowed Johnson to get the the feel of the story. So, now I'm wondering if I should be using this as a way to get into the story. Since it is National Novel Writing Month, I'm seriously considering trying to write one of my scripts as a novella, just to get the tone and feel right. If nothing else it would be an interesting experiment.
Brick (Novella/Treatment/Screenplay): http://www.mypdfscripts.com/treatments/brick-treatmentnovella
Since November is National Novel Writing Month (http://www.nanowrimo.org/), I thought I would take a quick look at the Brick treatment. In a preface he talks about the reaosn he wanted to do it this way was because he was intentionally trying to get a Dashiell Hammett feel and he thought a prose pass would be the best way to do it. I think it worked. I wish I had read it prior to seeing the film, but the tone is there as is most of the unique dialogue traits. The treatment is 76 pages long, so it's way longer than a traditionally treatment, but for a project like this that relies so much on tone and feel, it's was probably the way to go.
I had never really thought about using a treatment like that. I had always thought they were tools for getting the story out. Sorta like a fleshed out outline. But, this is something more, this allowed Johnson to get the the feel of the story. So, now I'm wondering if I should be using this as a way to get into the story. Since it is National Novel Writing Month, I'm seriously considering trying to write one of my scripts as a novella, just to get the tone and feel right. If nothing else it would be an interesting experiment.
Brick (Novella/Treatment/Screenplay): http://www.mypdfscripts.com/treatments/brick-treatmentnovella
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